Friday, May 5, 2017

Handicapply Ever After: The Life I Have Chosen

Those who know me know that I strive to be very intentional with the things I write. As a woman who never thought about her wedding day, my first thought after saying yes to Derick was "I want our wedding photos to have a hashtag that will reflect our vows, who we are, and what this means." After much thought, we agreed on "Handicappily ever after."

Every day these words mean more to me. I fell in love with this hashtag for multiple reasons which I wanted to tell you about.

Firstly, Derick has been the restoration of many things in my life. But one of the best things D gave me was the ability to live in my identity as a disabled woman without shame or question. Being with D has shown me what a special thing it is to occupy the world of the disabled. From asking bus drivers about their families, to having an instant community of people who are all learning what it means to be different in a world that screams for conformity, being disabled is special. It is so sweet to experience that with someone who occupies the same special place.

Secondly, I do intend to live with D forever after. But Happy seems like such a paltry word for what we have. We are not always happy. I am not always the glorious glittery princess I wish I was. I get anxious, I get easily frustrated if something out of my control happens. I need to start carrying Snickers in my purse because my man gets hangry. But we aren't just going to live happily ever after. We are going to live HANDICAPpily ever after.

This means when his chair breaks down, or my mind goes crazy, or the bus is late or the government fails, I choose him. It means when I am tired, or overthinking, or can't turn my brain off he chooses me. It means we choose each other with all of our handicaps, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I don't want "happily ever after" I want Handicappily. Because this love is real, even when the happy part is harder to come by. I want D when I am happy. I want him when I'm sad. I want him when I am angry or tired or anxious. I want D to want me with all my handicaps. But most of all, I want him to know that I am there for him the same way. I am there when he is happy, sad or angry. The beauty of handicapply ever after? CP is until heaven, the same way our love is...and man...what a miracle that is.

Here's to Handicapply
Ever after

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