Sunday, November 6, 2016

Reaping The Harvest: The Seeds I Never Expected To Grow

Over the course of my life I have planted many seeds, some I am proud of, and others I would rather forget. For years my harvest was one of dysfunction, disbelief and pain because I let the enemy come in and steal any good seed someone planted in me.

If someone called me beautiful, my mind instantly went to the scars on my body. If someone wanted to be my friend my mind instantly went to all of the things that made me a burden, If I read my Bible my mind took over and my heart disengaged.

Until the day I sat in front of a counselor at Mercy, and broke. My mouth said all of the things I was afraid to verbalize about myself. The "truth" I had been living in so long had culminated in a desperate desire to end my life. She asked me if I was willing to speak the Bible's truth over myself even if I didn't believe it at first.

Thus began a journey that has never ended - a journey that wove a story I never saw coming. Slowly, whisperingly, haltingly in front of a mirror I spouted the Truth that I knew Jesus promised, "I am beautiful. I have something unique to offer my family. God will bring a man into my life who loves me like He does. I will trust God to give me a hope and a future."

And miracle of miracles, I began to believe it. So when Berkley wanted to play "wife girl" because she knew I would be a wife one day, I felt my heart begin to thaw. And when Ellie was so confident I could be a good mama when we played babies, I felt faith where fear used to dwell. And when I began to fall in love all I could think is, "He made me for these moments." "He is good, faithful. and true."

And when fear creeps in I choose to speak Truth because I am already seeing the fruit of a harvest I never saw coming
And I am reminded He is the giver of all good gifts and I will allow myself to sow that which He has given me to plant.
And I hear His heart beat and I know He is looking at all He made and declaring it good.
And that is more than enough.

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