Monday, August 3, 2015

Finding Myself: The Box I was Never Meant For and the Women I Love

This post is a reflection of several different conversations I've had over the past several months with several different people. My older brother told me a few months ago, "Sarah, you're great at speaking life over other people, but you're pretty awful at speaking it over yourself." Then as I spoke to my mom last night I said the words I had been thinking for years "Why can't I be like them?" The women whose houses are spotless, who go home to their husbands and cook dinner and have full time jobs and houses and kids who absolutely adore them. What is wrong with me?

I don't put God in a box. But I absolutely put myself in one. My life looks absolutely nothing like I thought it would at 26. For starters, I am in Abilene. And as crazy as this sounds the little girl I used to be thought I would wake up one day and my feet would be straight. My hair would magically curl and putting on make up would be second nature.

Instead, my feet are more crooked than ever, my hair is a constant source of frustration for me and if I ever put lip gloss on its been a good day. This sounds like a litany of complaints but it's actually led to an epiphany. I like who I am when I embrace who He has made me to be. In the midst of getting braces for my feet, I asked myself what makes me feel the most confident? When have I looked in the mirror and been at peace with what I saw? Two things occurred to me:
1. When I embrace all of the physical realities of what I can't do and choose to enjoy short hair and crazy colors and glitter eyeshadow because I know no other person who wants to try and pull off the awkward combination of leather, glitter, and tattoos that I adore.
2. When I stop comparing myself to other women.

I am absolutely crazy about the women in my life. My sister in law is the most beautiful woman I know, she's the best mom, the sweetest encourager of my heart, and the most detail oriented person I know. And I am lucky if I don't have books all over my house randomly open to parts I meant to underline. But, when I realize I am not going to be like her because I am not meant to be, it means I can love every part of who she is, and learn from her without feeling like her successes are a mirror of my "failures."

My sister is a really great listener, she has a gentle and quiet spirit and I never feel judged when I am around her. I have a loud mouth and speak way more than I should. She's taught me the value of two ears and one mouth.

My other "sister" Jules is a quiet strong one. She doesn't need to flaunt her strength but everyone around her is blessed by her quiet presence. When she speaks, people listen because she has valuable things to say.

My mama is the best woman I know hands down. She is strong and courageous and loves Jesus. She fights for what's right and NEVER gives up on her children even when a more sane person would run.

My friends Katie, Chelsea, Mandy, Sarah and Taryn are some of the most incredible wives I know, and I am confident they are showing me how to do that even as I walk in my season of singleness.

My friends Bales and Rebecca Roberts and in the same season as I am, and we are learning from each other that we are enough. We are exactly where we are supposed to be doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing.

And I realize comparison means that love, real, true, no matter what, love, is not possible when comparison comes into play. Because Christ made us all to learn from each other, not to envy each other.
Each woman I know needs this reminder.
You are enough.
You are needed.
You are significant.

Embrace that, and get the h*ll out of that box. You were meant for more.

You were meant to change the world.

1 comment:

  1. Sarah,
    This is so beautiful! I struggle with comparing myself to other woman as well and this was an encouragement for me. We are all just as God made us, even though we fight to believe that pretty much every other minute. I have to hold on to the FACT that God does have a good plan for us, even if it seams messy to us, it is in perfect timing.

    We constantly try to write our own chapters and books about ourselves, only to have God reveal a chapter at a time to us that seems completely different than the one we wrote.

    The truth is our book is silly and unorganized and used and bent, His is Gold leafted, in perfect order and condition. He loves our books He writes for us.

    Love you so much Sarah. I am so proud of your constant fight for greatness and truth. I am happy I get to do it along side you.

    Also I didn't proof read this, forgive me :)