Thursday, October 30, 2014

The Scars I Intend To Keep: Where "When You Choose Life In the Dark It Glitters" Came From


I have scars all over my body
from falls and surgeries,
dumb decisions and accidents
but the scars I am most proud of
are the ones no one can see.

They used to be something I was ashamed of
like labels I lugged around.
"Depressed, anxious, disabled
Useless, Hopeless, Good for nothing,
Going Nowhere" And in the dark I heard the enemy scream
You were never meant to live."

And I had no idea
how to tell people what I felt
because I was scared that all of his screams
were true.

So like a warrior I went to battle
until I just couldn't fight anymore,
And I felt a different voice whisper
"I've been waiting here, to fight for you the whole time,"
But the screams were too loud
and I didn't listen.

Until I went to Mercy Ministries
Because the screams had gotten so loud
I could feel myself giving up.

And I cried in the dark and prayed
"Please, if You really do want me to live,
if You really do love me, come
Come, and meet with me.

And down He came
in all His glorious glitter.
With David Crowder's "How He Loves"
And parent sibling field trips to Build A Bear,
and the stinky paper mill smell of Monroe Louisiana,

He came and He held me
while I cried about the lost little girl
buried beneath all of the lies.
The little girl who dreamed of
freedom.
He came and whispered with a grin,
"I SO want you to Choose Life."
So, slowly, hesitantly, like a little girl learning to walk for the first time I did,
I chose life.
And every day I choose life.

And in His heartbeat
I found out that
Life glitters,
in the arms of my daddy,
the truth in love of my mama,
the hugs of my brothers
and the calm of my sister.
He glitters in my sister-in-law's friendship
and my nieces joy to see me.

He glitters in my scars.
The labels that left their mark
have become His mark of redemption
"Chosen, Meant for Abundant Life
Made for something special, Held,
And most importantly
Mine.
And nothing will ever separate me from Him.

He glitters in falls and crooked feet and torn shoes.
He glitters in tears and memories. He glitters because He gave me a choice.
And I chose life.
He brought more glitter than I ever dreamed possible.
But the awesome thing about glitter is that
it's better in the dark.
So my only prayer for these scars
is that they mirror His.
Because when you choose Life in the dark
He glitters
and it is everything you ever wanted
all because He lay down His life for mine,
and whispered "Choose Life."
And that day in the dark of Calvary
It glittered.

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