Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Letting Her Go

Dear Little Girl

I remember you like it was yesterday, packing brown boxes with all of the things you would need,
Terrified because dorm life didn't appeal to you in the least.
I remember the lime green comforter and bright blue pillows you picked because inside you felt black.
And even though you couldn't control it, at least outside you could have some color in your life.

I remember all of the nights you couldn't sleep because you were terrified you wouldn't be able to get out of bed again the next morning.
I remember all of the classes you skipped because they seemed pointless when you had no intention of living a long life.
Lost little girl
I remember you.

I remember all the lies.
That had just enough truth
to become reality.
I remember letting go of love
In pursuit of lust
because that was all that you were worthy of.

Sometimes, you are still inside me
Begging me to remember the fear
and the phone calls
the hair dye
and the discontent.
Doing anything
to become someone else.

More than anything I remember the words.
All of the words spewed forth
Hate. Death. Sickness.
And I cringe.
Breaking agreement even now with who I told you you were.

And I'm sorry little girl
But I have to let you go.

You are not who I am now.
You are not who I was ever meant to be.
Here, we part ways.
Even though it may be a long journey before we fully turn from the other.

Little girl, you are becoming EXACTLY who Jesus meant you to be.
You do not have to be afraid anymore. You will live and not die and declare the works of the Lord.
You are strong and courageous and do not turn back from battles.
You only have to be still the Lord will fight for you.

Precious little girl I'm sorry for all the times I told you
you were not worth living for
because the truth is
Jesus died because you were so incredibly, undeniably worth it.

But in the midst of loving Him,
I have to let you go.
There is really no room for the dysfunctional part you played
In our relationship.

So here little girl I put off the old you
and walk in the freedom of becoming me
and when your voice in my mind causes old fears
I'm telling you now little girl,
perfect love casts out fear
and I am perfectly loved.

Here's to you little girl
And the woman you were meant to become.
I am not who I once was
But Jesus is who He always was.

Here's to you little girl,
One important word

1 comment:

  1. You have such a way with words, Sarah. Brilliantly stated, and brilliantly being lived out. I love you and I love the life you are embracing. Praying Psalm 20 over you today!