Monday, March 10, 2014

The Eucatastrophe of Dependence


Isaiah 43L19

"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

The word "Eucatastrophe" literally translated means "beautiful disaster."

My biggest struggle in life is the reality that I will always be dependent on someone else if I am going to live the life Jesus has called me to.

The little girl in me rebelled against this.
No help! Never! I wanted to do everything
All. By. Myself.
I resented my parents, family, and friends for trying to help me because I resented the weakness in me
that demanded help.
I despised my feet for leaving me
helpless, hurting
dependent.
I hated the idea of marriage because it meant
someone would have to be there
for me
the rest of my life
when I didn't have anything to give back.
I could feel myself
melting down
trapped.
Ending it all seemed like
the only choice.
Then I felt Jesus wooing me
and I thought as long as I have Him
I won't need anyone else.
But He said
"It is not good for you to be alone."
And I felt the stirrings
of disaster.
Because I didn't understand
what true Love meant.
Until my niece needed help crossing the street
and I knew
I would hold her hand
and never let go
it was an honor to
be needed.
I didn't know what it meant to be truly Loved
until one of my friends cut my meat
because I can't,
and another let me lean on him
because I am always on the verge of losing my balance,
and another gives me rides everywhere
because I don't drive
and she doesn't like to arrive anywhere alone.
Then I realized
it is an honor
to be needy
because in being needy
you discover what it is
to be loved.
And I finally knew
that maybe this dependence
was a Eucatastrophe
a beautiful disaster
meant to show
true love
doesn't see flaws
they see opportunities
to be there
for the loved.  



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