Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Learning to Live the Life I Deserve: Mourning the Years Lost and FInding Freedom





For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.
2 Cor. 7:10

Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted 
Matthew 5:4

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, Eph. 3:20 

The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means 'God is with us').


This post is to force myself to be brutally honest. 
I have been in a season of mourning. 
I mourn the lost years
of the little girl who was so hurt and angry
she forgot to dream
like other little girls. 
It is to mourn all the years
she spent pushing her parents away
and all the memories she never shared
because she was too wounded 
to be real. 
This post is to mourn
all the bruises and scars 
from falls no child should have to face,
all of the "What's wrong with you?" questions and stares
no one should have to listen to on repeat in their minds. 
This is to mourn the breaking point
when college started and instead of looking forward to it,
she waited
for nothing, save numbness and death. 
This post is to claim comfort for her because 
she had Immanuel
God with her
when she lay in bed
weeping and lived for 
closing her eyes at night because for a few hours she didn't have to 
survive. 
This post is to tell that little girl
you are released. 
Released to dream 
of tomorrow. 
Released to tell the enemy,
you lose. 
Released to graduate college and move forward 
because you have Immanuel 
God with you 
when you remember,
God with you to give
above and beyond 
all you ever could ask or think. 
So when the enemy comes and whispers that this is not your life,
that you do not deserve all that I AM has blessed you with,
you tell him, 
"Immanuel...God with me
no matter what has been or will be...
Immanuel God with me to take this mess
and set me free. 
Immanuel, God with me
in fear and in memory
Immanuel, God with me 
He is who I speak for,
Immanuel...God with me,
He comes quietly
to comfort and restore. 
So though I mourn
I run the race and choose to dream
even though I remember the nightmare
because he will give me more
That little girl is stronger now
Immanuel, God with her
Here and now
she declares war. 
War against the enemy
to bring Immanuel 
God with her
into the broken, fearful places 
and the lost and hurting people,
to watch the life unfold
she never thought she would live
to believe all He has for her
to comfort those who mourn
Immanuel, God with her, 
as He takes the broken dead part of her heart
as calls it forth 
reborn. 

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