Saturday, November 2, 2013

A Post for the Cynics: Pain, the Elephant in the Room

I've seen and heard a lot of cynicism as far as the existence of God goes lately. So much so that I feel a need to respond.

To the cynical ones, I am not blind, deaf, or exempt from pain. I live in the exact same world that you do. Contrary to what you think I do not pretend to understand it: Nor do I shut my eyes and close my ears and pray it doesn't get close.

I have not made up a God to make myself feel better about the fact that my body is betraying me and I am in consistent pain.

I have not made up the anger I feel for Him, and the screams I've unleashed on Him in a desperate desire to be ok with who He is in the midst of pain

I also haven't made up the quiet, overwhelming peace that resides with me in some of the most unthinkable situations imaginable.

I didn't hallucinate His presence next to my bedside whispering to me to not end my life because another day was coming.

I was born blind, prayed over, and could see again...only one Hand could have done that.

That is not to say that He always makes sense to me. I get angry and wonder why, the difference is what I do with that anger...I cry out to the God I know, the God I love.

And I remember: His ways are higher than mine.
And maybe...just maybe... this world is not about me, and it's not about you.
Maybe it's about Him.

His love
His sacrifice
His glory

And maybe He knows that He is what's best for us,
no matter what.
And perhaps
this world is not all there is,
so to assume that you will see, and touch, and comprehend everything
right now
is utterly false.

I cannot prove to you He exists because you have no desire to see Him,
but I can tell you
I know Him
and our relationship is real
in all its love, frustration, sacrifice and pain.

And I can tell you
when He asks me
to stay in Abilene
and I don't want to
it hurts but I do it.

And it's worth it.

And I can tell you
I know my CP hurts Him
and me but somehow it's in His plan
no matter what comes next.

And even though I know I'm right
and He's real,
If I turned out to be wrong
I can tell you I would live my life
exactly the same way
because faith is worth it
and so is Jesus.

No matter what.

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