Wednesday, September 4, 2013
I sat in my room the other day beyond angry at Jesus. I have been in a season of waiting which I find frankly exhausting. I feel like all I do is wait. I began spewing accusations and hurt at Him.
"If You really loved me You would just heal me. If You're really God, why can you not just make my life a tiny bit easier? I can't even get dressed in the morning without having to think about how many buttons I have to do, and if I will be able to do them all alone. I can never wear jewelry with a chain because I can't do and undo it alone...even in the tiny things my body fights me. I know that sounds super girly and I'm sorry but seriously...
And while I'm venting, why did You give me a desire for the nations if You were going to make it so hard to go? WHY and WHAT am I waiting on? Why do I dream these dreams that are going to be so hard to accomplish? I love You so much but honestly...You really make me mad.
So I'm just waiting on You, and honestly? You're taking too long. I'm so mad at You. Are You sure You love me?
And I felt Him say,
"What if you're not waiting on me? What if I am waiting on you? I can wait as long as I need to. I've been waiting...
Waiting on you to let Me hold you
Waiting on you to let Me be sad with you when you can't do something
and delight with you when you can,
Waiting on you to go forth and dream
and fight for the nations because I know you so well
that I know that you wouldn't want the nations without a fight?
What if I'm waiting on you to let Me tell you all of the million reasons
I'm crazy about you?
All of the fun we are going to have in the plans I am making for you?
What if I'm waiting on you to let Me
have all of you
because when I do
your wildest dreams are on the horizon?
Be mad at Me, be crazy ranting at Me,
I just have one question love,
What if you're not waiting on Me,
I am waiting on you?