Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Life With the Faith of A Child: Lessons I've Learned from Berkley

Luke 18:17 "17 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
All of my friends and family know that I am a proud aunt. As I look back to when my brother and sister  in law first told me they were pregnant, I remember feeling overwhelmed. I LOVE KIDS but being around them is hard for me emotionally sometimes because they are the most honest people ever, and since CP is an obvious difference they often have questions.

And then came Berkley

This little girl has changed my life in so many ways, I never feel quite as loved as when Berkley says "Aunt Sarah, I love you very much, " and then gives me a slobbery kiss. I also never feel quite as convicted
The girl has absolutely no problem loving herself, and she knows she is worthy of other's love...that is by far one of the issues I most struggle with, and yet it is so key to the faith I say I have, the faith I want, the faith like a child.

Since Mercy my road has had its up's and downs but I am so humbled and happy that I chose life because that means that I get to watch this little gem become the woman of God I know she is already.

I've been thinking about what faith like a child looks like a lot lately, and I realized it looks a whole lot like my Berkley girl.

It looks like having no problem  with loving others, and having no doubt that they love you too.
It looks like being willing to ask for help when there is something you cannot do.
It looks like being stubborn enough to do whatever it takes to learn a lesson on your own, and fight to do the hard thing when it would be so much easier to let someone else fight for you.
It looks like seeing the positive in who God made you to be.  I always want to change who I am but...
You know what? Berkley always just says "Aunt Sarah sparkles..."
and somehow that's enough.

It looks like trusting in love.
One of my favorite things about Berkley is her response when you tell her she's pretty...she just grins and says "I know." Yet when Jesus tells me He made me in His image, that He has perfect plans for me, and wants to give me above and beyond the desires of my heart I instantly think...
Are you sure?
Are you sure you love me, are you sure you have plans?
Are you sure
You knew what You were doing when you made me?
Cause I'm not...

Lately when I have questions, and the same doubts assail me about precious Ellie Kate on the way,  I try to remember to think like Berkley
and then...there really are no questions
because there is no love
like the love of a child
and if Jesus loves me the way I love them
there is simply no room for
Are you sure?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Found Guilty: I've Been Paid For

I look in the mirror and remember
words exploding like bombs
and coloring the lens
black, like a chalkboard with no eraser.

I look in the mirror and say
I am guilty
of violence
that I caused by yelling at the innocents,
I am guilty
of speaking and believing lies,
about the girl who might fail out of school
or the man who lost his job.

As I look at all my guilt,
I can no longer see my face when I look in the mirror
because all I see is guilt.

I am guilty of taking my own life in my hands
and planning my way out,
I am guilty but I heard you say
You are not your own,
I paid the price
so you didn't have too...

You took the words
smeared like blood
all over my soul
as  I lay dying
and lifted my head
taking my place.

The black slowly fades
as you erase
and write
in your own hand
with the blood you shed
the truth.

She is saved.
She is mine.
She is glorious.
She is innocent.
She is paid for.
She owes you nothing.
I war for her
I paid for her.
I have compassion on her.

Before Mercy I felt guilty all the time. Mercy teaches girls with heartbreaking, life controlling 'never be able to handle it on your own" issues and points them to the glorious freedom and forgiveness found in Jesus Christ.
I guess this post is to say
Thank you sweet Jesus for Mercy