Wednesday, July 17, 2013

When I Talk To Jesus: The Beauty of the Choice


Here are my confessions…

There is so much going on my heart right now. I have so many memories I have tried to stuff down and hide from, because I’m scared. I’m scared because I’m weak. When I'm weak, I go to Jesus and I confess... 

I would do anything to use a curling iron or straightener without it becoming Armageddon in my mind.

I would love to choose an outfit and not have to think “if someone is not home will I be able to dress without help?”

I am tired.

And newsflash, when strangers look at me I ALWAYS notice I just pretend not to because I think maybe if I only talk about the positive aspects of CP, the negative will go away.

When my heart hurts I hide because I don’t want you to know.

When people are meeting me for the first time, the first thing they notice is CP.

It’s not fair. My biggest insecurity is on display.
And I'm scared because I don't know if I can keep choosing to speak life when I'm this exhausted. 

I wish people would STOP pretending like CP isn’t obvious, to do so is foolish and wounding.

I also wish they would stop letting it be the only thing they see.
 But I can't blame them, I know it is usually what I see. 

And when I weep I feel Jesus say "Sarah, you have a choice, and when it comes down to it, it is the only choice you have to make,

Do you trust Me or not? 

If you trust Me, all that matters is that I am making you perfect in weakness. 
If you trust Me, you know that I love you and that I will do above and beyond all you can ask or imagine. 
If you trust Me, you know I make ALL THINGS work together for your good. 
If you trust Me, then 
the reality of CP 
doesn't even matter. 

Whether I heal you, whether I gave you CP, whether you never know why you have CP or you know all the reasons tomorrow 
 None of that matters
if you make the choice
To TRUST Me,
because I love you
with an everlasting love. 
But never forget love, 
you have a choice. 
CHOOSE LIFE 

2 comments:

  1. Your heart is so big and you are strong through Him who loves us beyond our thoughts and sadness. I miss you Sarah! When do you return and can you put me on your lunch date calendar?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I get back the 1 of August! And I would LOVE to have lunch

    ReplyDelete