Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The Unexpressed Beauty: What Happens When I Hide

"You are altogether beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you." Song of Solomon 4:7

At Mercy they teach us about the power of speaking truth, and basing what you speak about yourself on what the Word of God says about you, not what you say about you.

I have replaced many lies with truth in the three years since I graduated from Mercy, but there is one truth I say every day that I can hardly force out of my mouth. It is only one sentence, and yet it literally hurts me to try and verbalize it. All it says is

I am beautiful. 

That's it.

I did the math, 3 years at 365 days a year means that I have read this statement well over 1000 times And yet, I cringe every time I read it.

I was talking to Jesus this week and I asked Him why this one truth was so hard to grasp, why no matter how many times I say this truth I don't  feel beautiful.  Many of the lies I once believed are not even realistic to me anymore, but this one hurts to even write about.

And then He asked me, "Sarah, why do you think you don't feel beautiful?"

And I thought about it, and I told Him,

"Well, I walk funny, I have scars everywhere, I can't put my make up and stay in the lines, I can't use a curling iron or straightener, and I can't work out the way everyone else can. I just want to feel normal."

And He asked me,

"Did it ever occur to you that you don't feel beautiful because you don't allow yourself to express your beauty?

You are so busy trying to stay in the lines and straighten out what I made, when I didn't do anything wrong.

You would feel beautiful if you allowed yourself to be yourself.

So chop off your hair, dye it, put on whatever make up you want to and forget about staying in the lines or using a straightener, I knew you'd want to do that when I made you...

And honestly? I love that about you. You are my favorite version of yourself.

You want to feel beautiful?

Stop trying to be who you think I want you to be, and be who I am absolutely positive I made you to be.

Color outside the lines because it hurts My feelings when you hide.

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