Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Testimony Tuesday: In Response to Mercy's Question

10 This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.   -Jeremiah 29:10-12

Today Mercy asked a question on their FaceBook page that I thought I should answer since I find myself back in the place where I went "in exile" to borrow from Jeremiah. "In what ways has the Lord used Mercy to bring hope, transformation or encouragement into your lives?"

I still remember the lost little girl who was looking everywhere for her identity,
mirrors, friends, piercings, and words,
I remember tears every night, and flinching at hugs. 
I remember anger. Anger everywhere
at the girl who could drive when I couldn't,
at the parents whose love would never be enough,
at the siblings who no matter how far they reached
it wasn't far enough. 
At the church who couldn't heal my breaking heart.
At the friends who were seeing the fruition of their dreams,
when my life felt like a nightmare.
At God for the healing He seemed to be withholding, 
but mostly at myself
for not being enough
for anyone to love. 
I remember speaking death. 
Death to my dreams, death to my relationships. 
Death, because I no longer knew what life looked like. 
I remember lies. 
Lies about who I was,
lies about who Jesus was,
lies about my family
and lies about everyone else
I remember questions and chaos. 

But now I don't remember...
I know,
without doubt,
Who I am, and Who He is. 
I have found my identity in His word,
His quiet whispers and LOUD evident presence in my life. 
I know Mercy. 
I know the taste of tears at the overwhelming knowledge
that I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. 
I know the peace of letting my daddy hold me, 
and my mom kiss me goodnight
and my siblings tease me. 
I know Purpose
in bus drives, and awkward falls, and asking for help, 
and closing one door to open another, 
and walking in destiny
even when I'm terrified. 
I know my family
Loud and loving and real and present. 
I know my church who point me to Him when they don't have the answers. 
I know my friends
who cry with me, pray with me, 
see me in all my mess and want me anyways. 
I know Truth. 
He sets me free. 
I know His voice and I follow it. 
I know Love because He loves me. 
I know that no matter what I don't know
I know Jesus, and that's enough knowledge. 
I know Life
and it is always worth living
it is always full of surprises
and happy times and heartbreak
but none of it compares 
to the Source of life who never left me
even when I turned my back on Him, 
spit on His banquet table,
I know Grace
and dreams beyond my wildest expectation,
all because He sent me
to Mercy and 
most of all
He drew me back to Himself. 

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